Articles by Jeff Merrion

Caring for Your Barista

The life of a barista is difficult enough without the addition of rude, impatient customers. Inside man Jeff Merrion reveals a series of tips to help you avoid being an asshole at your local coffee joint.

Date with Ikea

Swedish superstore Ikea can overwhelm the senses with its sheer expanse of furniture. Jeff Merrion wanders into this Mecca of cheap junk for the first time, which motivates him to, among other things, invoke the word ‘bumblefuck.’

Travels with Gaylord

The allure of the road trip is ingrained into the American spirit. On his journey through the desert, neo-beat Jeff Merrion experiences the mystique of the highway with a slightly unusual passenger.

To Charlie the Giant Fucking Bear, Wherever I May Find Him

There are few things left for Jeff Merrion to conquer. Camping in the great outdoors was, until recently, among those things. In an attempt to save his own life, Jeff reasons with a belligerent brown bear through a carefully-worded letter.

Of MySpace and Mediocrity

MySpace is a popular platform of free self-promotion for the unsigned musician, but how many of these bands are even worth your attention? Apparently very few. Resident sweater model Jeff Merrion embarks on an epic quest to find good music on MySpace.

Misogynist Clowns Wreak Havoc in Heartland

It’s no secret that clowns are scary, especially when they’re violent and intolerant. Jeff Merrion, the Bureau’s resident expert on the human psyche, explores the Juggalo phenomenon, a subculture established by the Insane Clown Posse.

The Decline and Fall of Independent Music

Has music become homogenous? Knowitall Jeff Merrion explores current indie rock trends, declaring that bands lack the versatility and staying power of their predecessors.