By day, Jeff Merrion is a mild-mannered writer for the Bureau; by night, he performs mild-mannered acoustic folk music. Even still, he knows a villain when he sees one and reveals Big Time Entertainment for what they really are: scammers.

Literary chauvinist Jeff Merrion gives dating advice on a few characters from classic American fiction.

Bumper stickers broadcast personal details about the driver, making them just one of the many great ways to judge a stranger. Jeff Merrion discusses bumper stickers annoying enough to incite road rage.

According to Wikipedia, a mucocele is “a swelling of connective tissue consisting of collected mucin from a ruptured salivary gland duct,” which is as gross as it sounds. Jeff Merrion develops a mucocele on his lip and undergoes the five stages of grief.

Jeff Merrion is physically abused while conversing with literary minimalist Ernest Hemingway about his body of work, the Spanish Civil War, and American Gladiators.

Road warrior Jeff Merrion takes the scenic route (well, scenic by post-rock standards) from Tacoma to Denver, encountering crooked cops on “the Loneliest Highway in America.”

Popped collars and plaid pants are a subspecies of the human race that still enjoys quoting Anchorman. The Bureau’s resident zoologist Jeff Merrion documents the psyche of bro culture and identifies its favorite dinosaur.

Psychedelia is the genre of music that evokes the experience of taking psychedelic drugs. But with so many varieties of drugs, you’d think there would be more accompanying musical genres. Teetotaler Jeff Merrion begins to bridge this gap by describing a genre of droney, down-tempo rock: narcotica.

Attempting to escape the gloomy weather of Washington state’s finest city, Jeff Merrion finds comfort in one of our fondest childhood memories–Mario Kart. The game also proves to be a fertile breeding ground for useful neologisms.

Are you the only person in Canada who owns a guitar and hasn’t appeared on a Broken Social Scene album? Jeff “Mogwai�? Merrion reveals his step by step guide to becoming a successful post-rock star.