Articles by Ben Bateman

Survey: Why Haven’t You Replied to My OkCupid Message?

Ben Bateman is surprised that you didn’t respond to him immediately.

Cycling South: Over and Out

At the close of his trek across South America, Ben Bateman is looking for the life lesson of his travel experience.

Hey Guys, Wait Up: A Chubby Kid’s Guide to Tagging Along

Ben Bateman has advice if you’re going to make the most of being the token fat kid in this cartoon caper.

Cycling South: Georgie

In Ecuador, Ben Bateman makes a friend, eats sausage, and stops being afraid.

Cycling South: Murdering and Not Murdering My Best Friend

After cycling across South America for months, Ben Bateman is ready to kill his partner.

Cycling South: Thanksgiving

After missing the last ferry out, Ben Bateman spends the holiday in a small Chilean ghost town.

Cycling South: Nearest Death Experiences

Ben Bateman tries to help a stranger, which leads to a runaway car, paramilitaries, and explosions.

Cycling South: Jurassic Park

Biking through the mountains of southern Chile, Ben Bateman starts to worry about the velociraptors.

Cycling South: In the Dark

Harsh traveling conditions can strain a friendship. While camping in the Andes, Ben Bateman and his companion fight over a cookie.

Cycling South: Starting at the End

In new series about cycling through South America, Ben Bateman reflects on just how much trouble he’s gotten in already.

Dear Parents and Graduates

Ben Bateman’s graduation speech touches on the usual topics: how far the class has come, how graduating is just the first step in life, and how to escape when you’re kidnapped by a crazed hillbilly.

The Royal Academy of Underseas Exploration

Ben Bateman would like to inform you that your application for a submarine is rejected based upon your reckless past use of submarines.