I’m a fast typer. I mean like 90-words-per-minute fast. But I have to think that if I had learned to type with the Typing of the Dead instead of whatever off-brand Mavis Beacon my local middle school used, I would be even faster. There’s something about killing fast-approaching zombies with typing that adds a certain urgency to the task that just can’t be replicated with, well, NOT killing fast-approaching zombies.
The Typing of the Dead, a 2001 Dreamcast game that makes use of the full-sized keyboard attachment, is notable for making typing a matter of life and death. The reason it’s amazing and fun and one of my favorite games ever, though, is because of the absurd brilliance of the text prompts that players are required to type. A few weeks ago after a lengthy wine-fueled play session, I decided to illustrate some of my favorite actual Typing of the Dead text prompts. Here they are, and remember: real men don’t eat quiche.