Words with Girlfriends

When it comes to Words with Friends, Kevin Nguyen is totally not a sore loser.

Photo by OkayCityNate

My sweetest Amelia,

You are the most wonderful person in my life. If only I had the vocabulary to express how much I love you. But by now, you must understand how clumsy I am when it comes to the intricacies of the English language, as evidenced by our most recent game of Words With Friends. Despite the fact that you seriously embarrassed me with that score, I love you more than anything.

I wish the game was called Words with Best Friends, so I could play it exclusively with you, my best friend in the world. I feel like we communicate on a higher level than most couples. Like when we’re chatting in game and I’m being a good sport by complimenting you on your 54-point word and you’re saying things like “YEA SUK IT!!”

I also know that you are forever faithful to me, both in body and mind, because our love is strong enough to resist any temptation. I didn’t suspect for a moment that you were looking up words on the internet, even when you placed CAJOLED and I asked you what it meant and you had no idea.

As a sign of our undying passion, we were able to even make a game of Words with Friends romantic. Like when I chose to place words like TENDER and WARMTH instead of going for better, higher scoring tile placement.

Or when you chose to reveal the boundlessness of your poetic imagination by responding with the word SEX. Sure, I was a little disheartened when you placed the X on a triple-letter score tile and earned 26 points for placing two letters. But that’s just one of the things I love about you: the way you consistently find ways to surprise and humble me, even though I graduated with honors in English and you have a business degree and have probably never written an essay longer than 500 words.

My feelings for you were further heightened when you showed me the depths of your cleverness by adding three letters to SEX to make it SEXILY, hitting the triple-word score, giving you an additional 48 points for what was essentially the same word, which was so wonderfully affectionate and not at all bullshit.

I’ll be honest. Life hasn’t dealt me the greatest hand — or in this case, tiles, because what are you supposed to do if you have this many goddamn consonants and no vowels. But I am thankful that I have you in my life. You are lucky to have me too, but not as lucky as getting both of the blank tiles.

Your “Friend,”

Kevin


Editor’s Note: This piece was originally published on the now-defunct humor site Urlesque, which was shuttered and swallowed whole by the Huffington Post.

Photo by OkayCityNate

Kevin Nguyen is a founding editor of The Bygone Bureau. His only marketable skill is an above-average knowledge of European geography. He has been useless since the introduction of the atlas in 1477. Reach him by email or follow his Twitter account.