A Totally Cool Beer Commercial

Eli Terry has an idea for an American beer ad.


Open on three totally cool BROS (2 white, 1 black) having a cool time watching SPORTS on a sick television! One bro starts to freak because they are out of BEER (!) until another bro gives a totally “GOT IT COVERED” look and reveals the coffee table is actually a COOLER FULL OF DELICIOUS BEER! Whoa! The bros high five.

Cut to their girlfriends (with shopping bags) suddenly barging in to find that the bros totally FORGOT about the girls’ wine and cheese party. BUZZKILL! Even though the girlfriends have GREAT TITS, the looks on their faces are totally “NO WAY” and it looks like BRO DAY is ruined! But then one bro (not the black one) has an AWESOME, CLEVER PLAN! He jumps up, grabs a lamp, and BLUDGEONS his girlfriend’s head over and over again! The other bros do the same and they totally KILL their girlfriends! Nice! Now they have an EPIC PARTY with JUST BROS and BEER!

Cut to the police rolling up to check out the SUPER COOL party and they find the bros having a ROCKING TIME and also they find the bloody female CORPSES in the closet! All of the male cops give a laugh and are like “BOYS WILL BE BOYS” while all the lady cops roll their eyes and are all “OH, BROTHER”! Then they arrest them and charge them with MURDER! Sweet licks! The bros RAISE THEIR BEERS to the male cops. CHEERS!

Cut to the courtroom and the EPIC MURDER TRIAL. The bros are totally CHILL and drinking BEERS from a LEGAL BRIEFCASE FULL OF BEERS. A lady prosecutor is completely stuck up and trying to CONVICT the bros so one of the bros (not the black one) rips her lady suit off and she is actually a SUPER SEXY LADY under her clothes and at first she is shocked but then she is SUPER INTO IT! The entire courtroom explodes in laughs and the DANCE PARTY is on! The judge is totally like “YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY” and then he SENTENCES THE BROS TO DEATH! The bros high five.

Cut to the bros in prison where they finally are able to have a 24/7 ALL BRO PARTY for their LAST MEALS on Earth! The warden totally gets a kick out of the bros and his face is all like “I’D DO THE EXACT SAME THING IF I COULD, FELLAS” then he throws the switch and ELECTROCUTES the bros with 50,000 volts that destroys their ORGANS! Sunglasses UP!

Cut to a close up of the three bros totally LOCKING UP and FROTHING AT THE MOUTH as they all scream in unison as they DIE: “BROS LOVE BEER!!!!”

Cut to logo.

Note: Music playing during commercial is a medley of “The Boys are Back in Town,” “Rock You like a Hurricane,” and everything by Steppenwolf.

Eli Terry lives and works in New York City. He is on Twitter. He writes short bios.