Dating the Men of Indie Rock

Maneater Caitlin Boersma offers advice on dating some of indie rock’s sexiest most talented males.

I’ve already explained how dating successfully involves having few or no standards, and dating indie rockers is no exception. While it may sound appealing to date a rock star, the indie class may pose some difficulties in finding the right boyfriend for you. Dating an indie rock star would be similar to dating your best girlfriend–right down to the matching jeans and haircut. Guys in tune with their emotions are totally hot, but it might become tiresome to date a dude who is constantly using your hair iron and then looking to you for a self-esteem boost.

Ben Gibbard

Man seeks woman to look past his soft exterior to his sensitive, soft interior.

Gibbard is the frontman for many different projects, though most notably Death Cab for Cutie. While his sappy lyrics usually lack any real depth, the familiar sound of Death Cab’s “I Will Follow You into the Dark” or the catchy electronic-pop of Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights” is sure to have you singing along… and then changing the track because you’re so sick of hearing the same damn song. Gibbard seems like he’d be as sweet as a teddy bear, but he also appears to be the clingy type. I mean, “I Will Possess Your Heart?” Yeesh.

Pros
• Probably knows everyone, allowing you to become the indie rock socialite/goddess you always dreamed you could be.

Cons
• Looks like Drew Carey.

Beck

Hot blonde male seeks female to defy the logic of all sexx laws.

Beck Hansen, a staple of alternative rock music and guest star on one of my favorite episodes of Futurama, has been able to stay fresh because he constantly reinvents himself with every album. Although Sea Change seemed to get a lot of flack for being too sentimental and out of character, I thought it was a great example of his range as a musician. Okay, so it is a little boring. Whatever, he’s gorgeous.

Pros
• So sexy!

Cons
• Is a scientologist.

Andrew Bird

Talented multi-instrumentalist seeks band that could match his musical expertise.

Andrew Bird is a unique specimen in the indie rock universe. A classically trained musician, Bird decided to use his talents to write pop songs for the masses, incorporating the violin, glockenspiel, guitar, and his distinctive vibrato whistling. Because Bird loops most of the instruments in his live performance, he is essentially a one-man show. Or, to put it another way, he’s the whole package.

Pros
• Has the ability to serenade you anytime, anywhere with his instrument-like whistle.

Cons
• So adorable and talented, he probably likes men.

Conor Oberst

Boy seeking girl who’s too sad to give a fuck.

Conor Oberst, the relentlessly depressed mind behind Bright Eyes, is known for his mousy good looks and leftist politics. If the constant moaning in his songs is any hint, he’s likely to be a high maintenance boyfriend. Although his constant complaining might become tiresome, he might be kind of fun to date if you’re into crazy people and drug addicts.

Pros
• Will disappoint your parents, which is a pro if you hate your parents.

Cons
• Lives in Omaha, Nebraska.


Previously on the Bureau: Kevin’s guide to the women of indie rock.

Caitlin Boersma is studying political science and English, but spends most of her time analyzing pop culture. Her premise for a new reality TV show, Killing Andy Milonakis, has yet to be picked up by VH1. She is notorious for spending a week’s wages on a ticket to see Morrissey live.