Dating the Women of Indie Rock

Misogynist Kevin Nguyen gives a rundown of the pros and cons of dating some of indie rock’s most desirable females.

I’ve already shared my expert advice about dating, but perhaps the hardest part is picking your female counterpart. If you’re hip like me–and by “hip,” I mean “own a pair of Chuck Taylors”–you dream of dating an indie rock celebrity. Still, even the beautiful people of the Pitchfork circle have some negative characteristics.

Cat Power

Cutie with straight bangs and sudden mood swings seeks man willing to look past her former affiliations with PETA.

Cat Power is the moniker of Chan Marshall (it’s pronounced SHAAAAAWN), the heartfelt singer-songwriter known for her minimalist guitar and piano arrangements. Her penchant for playing cover songs–including Oasis’s “Wonderwall”–makes her less pretentious than your average indie rocker, but Cat Power’s reputation for breaking down onstage and ending shows abruptly could pose potential difficulties down the road. She’s also a recovering alcoholic, which is kind of cool.

Pros
• Has modeled for Chanel, which means you can claim to be dating a supermodel.

Cons
• Is crazy. Emotional volatility means that she requires higher maintenance than a Volkswagen Jetta.

Neko Case

Girl who likes country seeks male who probably doesn’t like country.

Neko Case strikes me as one of the warmer characters of the indie rock universe. There’s something endearing and honest about her alt-country sound, and if her gift for between-song storytelling in concert is any indication, she’ll be great at parties.

It’s also hard to ignore Playboy’s reader poll for “Sexiest Babe of Indie Rock,” in which Case beat out others including Cat Power and the entirety of Swedish four-piece Sahara Hotnights. As well as being a scandalous New Pornographer, she has released albums under the name Neko Case & Her Boyfriends. Boyfriends plural? Total slut.

Pros
Fox Confessor Brings the Flood.

Cons
• Has ugly friends (a.k.a. the New Pornographers).

Jenny Lewis

Spunky redhead and guest star on Growing Pains seeks musical talent.

Former child actor Jenny Lewis, better known as the lead vocalist of Rilo Kiley, is super cute, but part of me has always suspected that the band’s recent popularity has only been sustained solely by this fact. Still, being good looking, I’m told, is the most important quality in a person.

Lewis performed alongside Ben Gibbard, Conor Oberst, and M. Ward on a cover of the Traveling Wilburys’ “Handle with Care” for her solo album Rabbit Fur Coat, which means that she’s tight with three of the world’s whiniest men. This proves Lewis is probably willing to look past any emotional baggage you may carry.

Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle with dating Jenny Lewis is that you’ll have to listen to Rilo Kiley at one point, or even worse, something off her solo album that isn’t “Handle with Care.”

Did I mention she’s cute? She’s really cute.

Pros
Once claimed that she records vocals in the studio while naked.

Cons
Once claimed that she records vocals in the studio while naked.

Feist

Hyper-successful female searching for man who can look at her without drooling.

Even with the popularity of “1234″ pervading iPod commercials and Starbucks locations everywhere, the indie rock community still adores Leslie Feist. Perhaps it’s her two well-received solo albums, involvement with Canadian post-rock supergroup Broken Social Scene, or just her good looks, but Feist continues to be the main feature in wet dreams of every guy wearing girls jeans.

Currently, she’s involved with Kevin Drew, who is a lot uglier than her. And probably you too.

Pros
• Is Leslie Feist.

Cons
• Kevin Drew would probably fight you. Drew may not pose much of a threat mano y mano, but if he calls for back up, you may find yourself facing all seven hundred members of Broken Social Scene.


Stay tuned for Caitlin’s dating guide on the male’s of indie rock this Wednesday.

Kevin Nguyen is a founding editor of The Bygone Bureau. His only marketable skill is an above-average knowledge of European geography. He has been useless since the introduction of the atlas in 1477. Reach him by email or follow his Twitter account.